Monday, June 5, 2017

It's hard to believe that I am almost 2 years out from surgery! In October, it will be 2 years.
Here have been my thoughts and experiences lately (within the past 3-4 months):

  • This is hard. This is time consuming. This is life now.
  • I have no issues with sugar (no dumping), so I have to be very careful.
    Yes, I've eaten entire large bags of Cadbury Milk Chocolate (and dark chocolate) eggs. Yes, I've eaten handfuls of gummy bears. Yes, I ate a couple of brownies this past weekend while spending time with family. No, I don't track my food every day through an app, but I should. I don't beat myself up for it, but I know not to justify it.
    Can't keep these things in the house, period.
  • I did not exercise over the past almost year. I walked through the healing phase and a little after, but then I went right back into not doing much of anything. It makes a huge difference in my energy level and overall general happiness when I actually do workout. This summer I have been walking - this will be increased over the next few weeks in preparation for my first 5k in July. I don't plan to run. I'm not a runner (unless being chased by someone who wants to harm me). I plan to finish. I will also be doing a Pumpkin Race in the fall. I never thought I'd even sign up for these things except as a volunteer.
    Yoga: this will also be added to my routine. I don't have a good routine anymore. My boyfriend now works third shift so I spend time with him when I can and have stopped getting up early like I used to. By getting up early, I can usually get some sort of exercise in before work. Yoga is great in the morning, before bed, during the day...literally any time of the day! It is wonderful for strength, balance, and flexibility, but also for relaxation, time to work through issues, positive affirmations, and emotional relief (yes, sometimes I just cry on the's so relaxing and personal that the emotions just run wild).
    Zumba: I plan to do this occasionally as well. I have YouTube playlists created and now I just need to do them.
  • Meal prepping. It's a lot of work, but, again, it is very worth the time! When I don't prep for the week, I am lost and tend to grab whatever I can at work (vending machine foods, things high in carbs) or sometimes just not eat which makes me feel very ill and I end up binge eating a little when I get home. Not good! So, prep is key. I have found a wonderful support group that is run by a registered nutritionist. She keeps us in check and provides us with healthy and delicious recipes that are easy to prep.
  • People treat me differently. I didn't notice it at first, but they do, or maybe it's just perceived differently by me. When I was heavier, there were stares, whispers, jokes...none of which bothered me because I thought those people were just rude and unhappy. Now, people are interested in what I have to say; they take me more seriously. I notice this when I do something different with my hair, wear jewelry, wear even the slightest bit of makeup. What is up with this? Are we really part of a society that can't celebrate the natural? How sad? Sure, I sometimes feel a little better about myself when I do little things like put Jamberry wraps on my nails, or a little mascara on my eyelashes, or I straighten my hair, but the idea of it being required for people to take me seriously is absurd.
  • I am thoroughly enjoying buying clothes anywhere! I'm no longer limited to just a few stores that charge crazy amounts for larger clothing. I can wear summer dresses and feel cute. They fit my shape better.
  • I still have a silly belly pouch of fat. This is most likely because of my lack of exercise and the higher carb intake that I had for a few weeks. Back on track for me in order to build muscle and stamina.
This is a picture from a friend's wedding last June. I feel beautiful in the photo for a couple of reasons:
  • I am with the one I love.
  • I am wearing a color that I never looked good in until now.
  • I am wearing a dress that looked amazing on me, even though I learned that halters do not work well with my body type.
  • I have my bat wings (arm fat) free and never cared once about them while in that dress, even while dancing at the reception.

Overall, this is still the best thing that I could have done for myself. I am healthier and happier and am continually learning how to maintain both of those.